


Three Sipper

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-07-31
Updated: 1998-07-31
Packaged: 2018-11-20 17:02:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11339652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: Story based on author's own "Thirsty Version" of the X-Files Drinking Game.





	Three Sipper

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Three Sipper by Nessie

From: "Nessie" <>  
Subject: Three Sipper (1/1) **NC-17** Slash  
Date sent: Sun, 13 Jul 97 05:07:14 PDT  
TITLE: Three Sipper  
AUTHOR: Nessie  
E-MAIL:   
DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere that'll withstand this level of insanity.  
RATING: NC-17 for m/m sexual situations; nothing graphic but if the idea offends/ appalls/ disturbs/ bothers/ whatever's you in any way, or you're underage then turn back now.  
KEYWORDS: Slash, character dies  
CLASSIFICATION: S, R H A (Sc/K, M/Sk)  
SPOILERS: Terma, Momento Mori, Clyde Bruckman's, Fire, slight TF/Max ref's  
DISCLAIMERS: I don't own any of the suckers portrayed here.  
ABOUT THIS STORY: This is based on my X-Files Drinking Game "The Thirsty Version"; mail me if you want to see a full copy. Rocketman set a challenge on the Fishies of the X mailing list-- so this is a story in which all the three-sip instructions take place. This was actually written a couple months ago, and I only just got around to posting it here.. You'll see... It's just a wacky little adventure-type thing. The song used here is "Italian Leather Sofa" by Cake. I guess I didn't write that either.

* * *

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
Three Sipper (1/1)  
by Nessie  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

5 am Friday morning,  
FBI Headquarters, Washington DC

Mulder strode into the office and switched on the light. It was surprisingly tidy- the papers were stacked neatly on the desk, the bin was empty rather than overflowing with balled-up paper he had successfully aimed at it. Scully?! He remembered. Last night she had stayed on at work after he left, a very rare occurrence. And she'd cleaned the office. How the hell was he meant to find anything in this tidiness??

He walked over to his desk and that was when he noticed the white envelope that bore his name on the front in Scully's handwriting. He tore it open and read it.

\---------------------------------------------------  
Dear Mulder,  
        By the time you've read this, I'll be out of DC. Late last night (Thursday) I received an important piece of news pertaining to my illness. Mulder, I was contacted by a former MUFON member. Like me, she refused to be drawn into the group- but she is suffering the same illness as me, and she claims to have vital information about the cancer. So I have to leave you for a few days. I'm sure you'll manage without me. I even cleaned so you can find your way out of here and go get some sleep every now and then! You can thank me when I get back.  
        Don't worry about me, I'll be just fine- just think of the number of times you've ditched me.  
        I'll speak to you soon  
                     Scully.  
                                X  
\---------------------------------------------------

Mulder shrugged. He knew she'd be fine.. wherever she was going; she had purposefully not told him where. And he wasn't going to track her down either. He felt happy here in DC defending her ass when Skinner discovered she'd run off.

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

A bar, Allantown, Pennysylvania  
Friday night

Scully was doing her best to forget the real reason she was in Allantown as she pushed her way through the crowds that had gathered in the bar.

She would barely have been recognised by any of her work associates.. maybe not even Mulder. She wore the tightest, shortest black PVC ultra-tiny micro-mini skirt she'd been able to pick up in DC before she left. It was barely even a skirt. On her legs she wore almost transparent stockings, down to her black strappy four-inch-heel shoes. Above the skirt, a black jacket was all that covered her purple lacy bra. Her hair piled high on her head, red curls hanging over her forehead. And Special Agent Dana Scully wore black lipstick.

As she approached the bar, she squealed with delight at who she saw.

"Eddie!!" she screamed.

Eddie Pendrell turned, and groaned at the sight of Dana Scully approaching him. This woman had been after him for *months* now. It was getting kind of boring. It wasn't even as if she was his type. Jeez, and he thought faking his own death would get rid of her? He winced as she planted a large black kiss on his cheek. Then she noticed the badge he wore "28 today" she read aloud. "Hey.. birthday boy.."

"Hey.." he replied, less than enthusiastic.

"Can I buy y'a drink?? Hey, whaddya say to birthday tequilas?" Pendrell shrugged.

"Aw... go on...You only live once, Agent P. Oh, and that reminds me- didn't you *die* or something??"

"Look, Dana. I don't mean to be rude but..." His tone was firm "I got *company*" A look of annoyance passed over Dana's face, and she shifted so that her skirt rode a little higher, revealing just a little more creamy flesh. No reaction.

She gave up and strode away from the bar.

To her surprise, another familiar face presented itself to her. All alone, at a table in the corner of the bar. Phoebe Green. Okay, thought Dana, we didn't get on all that well- but it was a long time ago. She walked up to the brunette woman- who didn't look much different from the way she did four years ago- and greeted her.

"Helloooo!" she sang, in a mock British accent. Phoebe looked up at Dana and groaned.

"Oh god... not *you* again?"

Dana couldn't understand why nobody was pleased to see her. She sat down. Nobody said anything for what seemed a very long time, until Dana, short of all other conversation, piped up

"You shagged my partner, didn't you??"

Phoebe looked up in astonishment."Yes. Yes, I did"

"So what's he like in bed then?"

The British woman almost choked on the potato chip she was munching on. She was just gathering herself together for a reply, when her companion returned. Pendrell.

"I- I think I'll be off now" Dana babbled, before getting up from the table and running out of the bar.

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

WASHINGTON DC  
FBI Headquarters, Skinner's office  
Saturday Morning

"Now Agent Mulder, you realise I wouldn't be calling you in on a Saturday unless it was a- erm- pressing matter."

"Yes sir"

"Agent Scully didn't appear at work yesterday. We've been unable to contact her by phone or any other means, and we have no knowledge of her whereabouts"

"And??"

"*And*, Agent Mulder, being her *partner*, I thought you might be able to help us. She confides in you, doesn't she?"

"Well yes sir, but--" Mulder stopped. He thought of all the times Scully had defended his ass when he ran off. And he decided he owed her some loyalty back. "--not all the time. This time I have no idea where she's gone or for what purpose"

Skinner studied Mulder's expression for a moment. The guy seemed sincere enough.

"Okay, Agent Mulder. I'm convinced that what you're saying is true."

Mulder rose from the chair to leave.

"Will that be all sir?"

"No, Agent Mulder- uh- not quite. Agent Scully is the only friend you have, isn't she."

Mulder blushed. "Erm- yes, sir"

"Wrong! I'm your friend too Mulder. And I can see you're rather lonely while Scully's not here. Come out for a drink tonight.."

What a bolt from the blue, thought Mulder. "Okay" he agreed.

"Right" said Skinner "I'll pick you up at five"

"It's a date" replied Mulder cheerfully.

<Oops, Mulder, *what* did you just say to your boss??>

He looked back at Skinner, and the bald guy grinned at him.

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

A bar, Washington DC  
Saturday night

Mulder sipped on his rootbeer.

"That's all you're having, Mulder? Nothing *stronger*??" After five triple-whiskies, Skinner was looking fairly out-of-it.

"For the 6th time, Sir, *no*"

"Oh.. please.. call me Walter" And Mulder could have sworn he saw Skinner bat his eyelashes.

"Fox! Walter! How good to see both of you!" Mulder couldn't believe his ears when he heard Cancerman say this. And... even more unbelievable was the heavily-built black man who stood behind him. Otherwise known as Mr. X, or Shot-dead informant #2..

Cancerman saw the surprised look on Mulder's face. "Nobody ever dies in the FBI, Mr. Mulder..." A strange smile was plastered over Cancerman's face, and he was smoking something other than Morley's. Mulder was pretty sure, whatever it was, it wasn't legal. You could tell just from the look on the guy's face.

Skinner spoke. "Agent Mulder, I do believe you've never been formally introduced. This.." he indicated to Cancerman "..is Paul Geale. And I'm sure you know this is Mr. X."

"Does he have a *name*?"

"The only name he has is Mr. X"

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

Another bar, Allantown, Pennysylvania  
Saturday night

Scully was totally unprepared for who she bumped into next. She had to admit, it had never been her ultimate dream to bump into Alex Krycek again. But how good he looked.. His dark hair was crew-cut, similar to the way it was before he ran off to Russia with Mulder. He wore a tight white T-shirt, and blue jeans. From the back, she noted he had one of the best jean-butts she'd ever seen. She walked up to him from behind and pinched the hard flesh. It was difficult, pinching rockhard muscle. He turned to face her.

"Hey, baby.."

"What you doing here, Krycek??"

"Remember that time I went off to Russia with Mulder? He told you about the Black Cancer? I stayed in the country a while longer, having made a lot of friends in high places. But.. eventually I was subjected to the same torture all the others were. I became a test subject. I was exposed.. but the vaccine only partly worked. You know how they specialise in curing alien diseases in this part of the country.." Scully's eyes widened.

"Well, so I've just been for my cure.. What you here for then?"

"I- I have brain cancer."

Krycek's expression softened. "I'm sorry", he murmured.

"Hey, Scully. We agree on this, right? Fox Mulder is one pain in the ass to work with.."

Scully nodded in full agreement.

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

Mulder's apartment, Washington DC  
1 am Sunday morning.

Mulder had eventually given up on the rootbeer and gone for the lager option. In his drunken state, he had invited Skinner, Paul and X to his apartment for a slumber party. He knew he was a little old for this but... There hadn't been much slumbering going on. Conversation had drifted to Scully, and, short of anything else to do, the four men <or should that be little boys> had begun to sing a song about her.

"They laugh, they make money.." sang X

"He's got a gold watch", Cancer man continued.

"She's got a silk dress........." Skinner was getting rather turned on.

"And healthy breasts.." Mulder had to stop for a deep breath. All these thoughts about *his* partner.. His heart was racing.

They all joined in for the last line "..that bounce on his Italian leather SO-FA.." All four men burst out in fits of laughter, picturing Scully in a silk dress with her breasts bouncing freely on Mulder's sofa.

The scary thing was, their singing had actually sounded quite good.

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

A seedy hotel room, Allantown Pennysylvania

"Where's the bathroom, Alex- I really need to pee.." Dana whined. He stumbled across the bedroom and pointed it out to her.

"Dana, you want coffee?"

"No---- bleuuuuuuuuurrrrrggggggggghhhhhhhhhh---- thanks..." Dana emerged from the bathroom looking positively green. She smiled at Alex Krycek, who had now removed his jeans. An underpants man.. a rather tasty one too.

He walked over to her and removed the jacket, exposing the white expanse of her chest, covered only by the lacy purple bra. He licked his lips and moved his hands down her sides to take a hold of the skirt.

"Wait.." she ordered him. Pushing him out of the bedroom, she closed the door and smiled.

"Dana pleeeeeaaaaasssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..........."

The sounds of one *desperate* man, Dana thought smugly. She held her silence. It was a full five minutes before she called to him that she was ready.

Alex walked in to find that the curtains had been closed. Dana's clothes were scattered on the floor- the skirt, the stockings, the shoes, the jacket *he* had removed. The purple bra. And Dana herself lay invitingly on the bed. Wearing nothing but a pair of black silk boxers, complete with NICAP logo.

"Aren't.. those.. Mulder's??" he asked slowly, wondering what the hell she was doing.

"Yeah.." she replied mischeviously. "Thought he wouldn't miss them for a few days.." He ran his gaze appreciatively over her body and climbed onto the bed beside her.

"Wait, Alex.. how did you know these were Mulder's???"

He stared blankly at her, until she smiled.

<Right, Alex Krycek.. it's about time you saw the MUFON tattoo on my ass..>

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

Fox Mulder's apartment,Washington DC  
3am Sunday morning

Paul and Mr.X had long since fallen asleep. Mulder and Skinner had continued their drunken conversation beyond that. Mulder had suspected all evening that Skinner wanted more than just conversation out of him, so it came as little surprise when Skinner suggested they go to Mulder's bedroom. Rarely used that it was.

And now something had gone terribly wrong. For Mulder, the sex had been fabulous. It left him absolutely breathless.. and that was where the problem was.

He was experiencing a terrible tightness across his chest, his breathing came in short sharp gasps. He sat up in bed, trying to get more air, but his face was taking on a blue tinge and hefelt progressively weaker.

Skinner looked on in horror as Mulder passed out, rolling onto the floor. He leapt out of bed and leaned over his unconscious lover. Mulder had a heartbeat but he wasn't breathing. There was only one thing for it. He pinched Mulder's nose, leaned right over and sealed his lips over Mulder's as he puffed air into the unconscious man.

He woke Paul and Mr.X and told them to call an ambulance- all the time giving mouth-to-mouth until the medics arrived.

o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o*o

Monday Morning  
FBI Morgue

Scully had returned from Allantown unsuccessfully. It had all been a set-up. By whom, she had no idea. But there was no other MUFON member. She was the only surviving abductee of the group. And she had an additional unpleasant shock returning to the FBI on Monday, not only to have her ass kicked by Skinner for running off, but also to have to certify that Fox Mulder had died of autoerotic asphyxiation.

It seemed the words of Clyde Bruckman had come true after all..

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

THE END

== Couple of notes: When I wrote this, I had no idea what auto-erotic asphyxiation actually *was*; so don't worry about that last bit. And I figured that Pendrell just HAD to be called Edward, right? I named Cancerman after my boss <heehee>==

Okay, so it's a bit mad. But I love feedback

Send letters, comments, questions, praise, potatoes to me at the address, below.

FYI, here's the 3-sip instructions from the game:

\- A regular character sings <three sips if it's in tune>  
\- Mulder and Skinner sleep together.  
\- Scully sleeps with/has close encounter with anyone not called Edward  
\- X smiles <yeah, I know he's dead but... makes it even less likely!>  
\- Scully ditches Mulder in a mythology episode and makes an epic journey of discovery, leaving Mulder behind to defend her ass  
\- Krycek gets a shag  
\- Scully flirts with Pendrell or Frohike  
\- Scully wears a micro-mini skirt  
\- Cancerman smokes somethin' illegal <wait! how likely *is* that...>  
\- Scully borrows Mulder's clothes  
\- Scully asks one of Mulder's ex's, eg. Phoebe Green, what he's like in bed  
\- Anybody drinks rootbeer  
\- Mulder has to give Skinner mouth-to-mouth resuscitation or vice versa

As I said, just ask me and I'm happy to send you a full copy of the game!

Nessie  
  
   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
MB/MDS: Low-slung Trousers and Crisp White Shirt Division, GAWS,   
XF-Romantics, XFF, Fictalk, X-Overs, PWNUSTEWITXF, Potatoholic #1  
Tom Colton Deathsquad: Sore Ass Division, Fishies of the X,  
Dr. Bambi Deathsquad: Insect Genitalia Division, Extreme Possibilites  
X-Phile Closet 'shipper and inhabitor of Mulder-and-Scully gutter  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I've had *feelings* for people that I've worked with"   
         <Scully, 'Aubrey'>


End file.
